Born in a Polynesian leper colony to a beatnik mother and a clone of Socrates, Ryan was abandoned as a child to be raised by a group of “friendly enough” toothless vampire bats. But eventually Ryan tired of the constant bat-vomit n’ bat-milk diet and moved on, swimming to the isles of Japan where he became a world-renouned sumo-wrestler and slam poet.
Fame was hard on poor rt — a rapid succession of money-grubbing wives convinced him to move onto greener pastures. He spent his vast sumo/poet fortune on massively extensive plastic surgery and moved to Sweden where he was eventually featured in a Budweiser tv advert as one of the bikini babes.
But socialized medicine was a bane on poor Ryan’s body-altering lifestyle, and when gravity claimed all of the delightful perkiness he was without income or savings. However, he still had the cardboard box for his old life-size Sumo trophy, and this became his home until the Swedish winter proved that too much snow is bad for a cardboard box, even a sumo one.
With no options left, Ryan smuggled aboard a container ship and headed for the United States of America, land of the free and home of the (Atlanta) braves. He is now known to frequent box factories, and derives an income from selling box factory trade secrets to other box factory managers. When he’s not doing that, he’s probably on the internet.
